Helping Your Child be More Empathic

Alfreda Grosrenaud, M.D.

Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist

AFG Guidance Center: Where Families Flourish

Recently, my teenage son came back from school visibly upset. When I asked what had happened, he told me that for the first time in his life, he was chosen last to play in a sport. He’s always been a good athlete and has never been in a situation similar to this one. He couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable about what had happened to him and was wondering how other kids who are chosen last often feel. As I listened to him, I couldn’t help but think about “empathy” and how children experience it in their lives.

Simply put empathy is one’s ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and understand what they’re feeling. If you have never felt a certain way, it’s difficult to understand another person’s emotions.  Some people will go through their own life experiences with the ability to feel emotion but are unable to understand another person’s feelings. It is a quality that comes naturally to some, while others lack it entirely. As the base of any human interaction, it allows us to respond to each other in a deep, sensitive way. A lack of empathy can lead to severe social problems, isolation, rejection, and even bullying and cruelty.

Children can begin developing empathy early on and continue to develop it over the course of their lives. As parents we can help support our children during the process by teaching them to express and accept all of their emotions, positive or negative. This is a normal developmental process during which they learn how to manage their emotions, develop positive coping skills, and accept them as a part of their lives.

Additionally, help your children identify and understand their emotions. If you see your child in a bad mood, encourage him to name the emotion he is experiencing.  Also, be sure to ask him why he’s in the particular mood, and what happened to make him feel this way. Let him know that it is perfectly fine to feel whatever he is feeling, and that it’s always good to talk about it.

Finally, display empathy to your children by showing them that you are able to understand their feelings. Express interest in their experiences and listen carefully as they talk, reflecting back to them what they say and asking them questions that help them clarify their feelings and thoughts. With time, they’ll become aware of their feelings, be able to express them and communicate them with you and others. As the number of their own life experiences grows, they will get to know people on an emotional level, and will likely see similarities between their own emotions and the emotions of others. When they realize that peoples’ feelings and emotional needs are similar to their own, they will be able to identify with them, relate to them, and ultimately empathize with them.