Teaching Responsibility – It’s Never Too Early To Start

My 7 year old is a natural helper whether at home, school or someone else’s home. She particularly enjoys when she is left with a list of tasks to complete while I am at work. Upon my arrival home she proudly presents her list all checked off as being complete, and believe it or not, she does it all for a two thumbs up, “you’re awesome” and a big hug from me. Don’t get me wrong all is not perfect in paradise. I still have the occasional forgetfulness without a list and the “I’m busy right now” but overall she’s a great help and I believe this is because I have nurtured this since she was able to complete the smallest of tasks.

Children are born with a natural desire to help out and cooperate. Think about the days of toddlerhood when your child was so happy to get a diaper or throw an item in the trash at your request. They beamed with pride because of their accomplishment. Now, however, your repeated requests to get your child to simply clear her plate from the table or make her bed can drive you crazy, but giving up and being a maid to your child is even worse. It is important to get your child involved in household chores from a very early age. This early involvement lays the groundwork for teaching the importance of being an active participant not only in your family but in the community. Additionally, it teaches your child about responsibility and self-reliance developing your her into a capable individual who is accountable for her actions. Following are some ideas to get you started.

First, make a plan and make it simple. Give your child a chance to be successful and want to do more. Decide on a few tasks that not only relate to your household but to your child taking care of herself. For example, taking out the garbage (household) and making her bed or putting away her clean clothes (self). You can also add a task that focuses on something she enjoys like feeding the dog or keeping her craft supplies in their bins. You can always add or subtract tasks as the need arises.

Second, set reasonable expectations for your child and be realistic. Think about it, your 8 year old is not going to complete a task as well as you would but praise her for her effort. This praise will promote continued cooperation and the desire to do better. There may be the desire to “fix” the work that seems beneath your standards but doing this will send the message that the job was inadequate. If your child is having difficulty with a particular task, work with her to teach her what is expected. Teamwork will promote the desire to keep trying.

Third, as hard as it is, don’t nag. Kids, as well as adults, will tune out anyone who seems to be nagging them. Use gentle reminders to urge your child to complete her chores. If this doesn’t work, state that if the task isn’t completed within an allotted time you will be issuing a consequence. Make the consequence clear and be prepared to stick to your decision. Your child will learn that she is accountable for her actions and that there are consequences for failure to complete the required task.

Finally, children want to feel needed. Make sure your child knows that you appreciate her efforts and how it positively affects the family or herself.  Some families choose to provide an allowance for chores others do not, and this is an individual choice. Whatever you decide to do, an occasional treat for your child is always a welcome surprise for any show of good choices and cooperative behavior.

Danette Palomar, LCPC