When You Send Your Child Off to College

Family transitions are always occurring. These are times in our lives when things change and we go from the known to the unknown. This can be a scary or anxiety-provoking experience, but it does not have to be. Here are a few tips to help with one of the biggest transitions of all: heading off to college.

First, your teen might be reluctant to share their thoughts or feelings about going off to college due to some underlying embarrassment. Everyone thinks they should be overly excited to go off to college; after all it is the first time living outside of the home for most kids. However, this is not always the case. Some teens may be worried about this new beginning and that is not a bad thing. In fact, a little bit of anxiety or nerves are normal, and might be positive. It reminds us that we are about to experience something new and exciting! For this reason, during phone calls home or Facetime, invite your teen to talk by using open-ended questions. For example, ask them what three things they are most excited about during this new transition and what three things they are worried about with respect to this experience. By letting your teen know you are there to listen, it will allow them to come to you throughout their time away and feel comfortable doing so. This will allow your teen to feel more relaxed and decrease the level of anxiety and worry.

Second, understand that this change can affect the entire household dynamic. It does not matter if the child leaving is your eldest, youngest, middle, or only child, the loss of one person in the house will cause a change. Be aware that things with be different. Not better, not worse, just different. Some of the remaining children in the house might have to take on new and bigger responsibilities. Others might have trouble with the change and miss their sibling who left. Talk to your other children about this transition. Allow them, like your child leaving, to share their feelings about this change.  
Third, make a financial plan. Remember to continue to talk to your teen about the expenses of college. What about late night pizza runs or clothing? Help your child to understand their responsibilities and weigh the possibility of getting a job on campus. However, understand the transition will be hard enough the first semester, that maybe just being a full time student will be enough at the moment.

Lastly, let go. Not completely of course, but understand that they are now on their own. Most parents are used to helping their kids, by aiding in test studying, reminding them of deadlines, going over homework. However, your teen must learn to do some of this on their own. Trust that you have taught them well and give yourself a pat on the back! The rest is up to them.

Seth
Preminger, MA