Helping Your Child Grow Through Encouragement

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Afg

Encouragement is a powerful tool.  It can be used to teach, motivate and uplift.  In a world where children are frequently being told what not do, taking a moment to acknowledge what your child is doing right can make a bigger difference than you would think.  Some philosophies of thought do not see the need to encourage children for something they are expected to do.  While others may feel that praise, signs of affection and special treats do not need to be reserved for special occasions.  Making sure that your child knows that they are capable of achievement, has good ideas and believes he is important is an effective way of instilling a strong sense of self.

Encouragement can also be used as a tool to elicit change.  Instead of focusing on problem behaviors, such as not finishing homework, providing praise when your child is doing something right can encourage him to do it more often.  If your child is frequently disrespectful to a sibling, make sure to take notice when he is being appropriate.  By praising correct behaviors you are letting your child know that you have noticed him and are appreciative of his effort.  Be sure that the praise is specific, immediate, genuine and consistent. While the “playing nice” will not last forever, it will provide an atmosphere for positive behavior to occur more frequently.

In addition to praise, parents can also utilize rewards as a great way to promote appropriate behavior.  Find something that you and your child agree that they could work toward.  Rewards could include privileges or parent time and do not always have to cost money.  If possible, reward your child immediately after doing the behavior that you want.  However if you want to give a reward after a prescribed amount of time, such as homework completion four out of five nights, keep track of your child’s progress by putting a star on the calendar for that day to indicate you notice and appreciate his behavior.

Some parents might worry that this approach constitutes bribery; however, there is one major difference between the two.   Bribes are given before the behavior in hopes your child will perform the way you want them to perform and rewards are given after the child has done what you want them to do.  Think of it like receiving your paycheck after you have logged in your forty hours.

Families with multiple children need to find ways to individualize rewards and privileges.  Do not feel bad if one child has earned a reward while the other has not.  Given that each child is working on different goals it is ok for them to be in different places.  The benefit of individualizing rewards is that it allows one child to receive a reward without it impacting their sibling(s).  Just remember, saying “good job” may be a small phrase but it can make a big impact on making your parenting job easier.

Michelle Magida